Thursday, December 18, 2014

The 3rd Annual GTK Know-It-All Awards

VO: Live from the Lunar Rover Pizza & Root Beer Emporium, it's.....


A celebration and a look back at the year GSN made history. With appearances yet to be seen by....
With performances by.....
This program is presented by.....
and by......
(song stops)
Now, the man who had a coma from a Game Show Flashback, the man who hides in a Camouflage suit, the man who knows how much is just enough, the man about many many games, Pierre........Jason........................KELLY!!!!!!
Me: Hey everybody! (more applause; somg stops)  Thank you audience, thank you Lindsey Stirling and the Grimborough 13-piece orchestra and welcome in to the 3rd annual GTK Know-It-All Awards live from the Lunar Rover Emporium.
Big crowd on hand and uh, we got idiots from Idiotest in the back, because they don't wanna mess with me from time to time.
(moderate laughter)
But we got Door 3's own Loryn Powell looking nice in that outfit, uh, who else, Ben Gleib. Looking clean-shaven for that event and...uh......Candace Bailey & Jeff B. Davis. Didn't I tell you guys not to cut in front of the line?  Oh yeah, you were trying to hurry up to get something to see the show, haven't you?
(moderate laughter)
Well, anyways you're in front of the line and front row for a star-studded, action packed extravaganza for everyone......
(looks at bodypainters in the lounge area, but the body painters run off to the bathrooms to dress up)
(audience laughter)
Well, almost.
Starting with our first award of the evening. Your cell phone just got an alarm on such short notice. WHat do you do? Go back to sleep.......maybe, but besides getting the paper and going to work and dressing up, you chose to see the classics over the Today Show to feel good with your breakfast and the nominees are....or is.....
(cut to attic scene, mouse clicks on Teddy Ruxpin doll, NES system, Skip-It Toy, VCR, Rotary Phone before clicking on a broken Videotape; cue little box in center with broken videotape that reads "Best Classic")
MATCH GAME (Goodson-Todman Productions/Fremantle Media)
PRESS YOUR LUCK (Carruthers Company/Fremantle Media)
BLOCKBUSTERS (Goodson-Todman/Fremantle Media)
THE $25,000 PYRAMID (Bob Stewart Productions/Sony Pictures Television)
PASSWORD PLUS & SUPER PASSWORD (Goodson-Todman Productions/Fremantle Media)
CARD SHARKS (Goodson-Todman/Fremantle Media)
(Cue attic scene over a letterbox setting with "Best Classic" on the top; fade to host)
Ummm.....where's the envelope?
(Showbiz Ashley hands over the Lootcrate)
Oh yeah, that's my friend Showbiz Ashley Spencer. Come say hi to her after the show......anyways, where was I, oh yeah, here is your winner......
(opens lootcrate to reveal 90's toys and getting the card for the winner)
($otc car cue plays)
VO: This is the 2nd year in a row $ale has won the Best Classic Award. Press Your Luck was the first recipent to do so.
(Hands Golden Brain to Summer Bartholemew; school bell ringing)
Pardon the interruption, director, what is going on?......Oh, a sale surprise. What did I get from the crate?......I got......(Gets $100 from the crate)  $100 bucks. (light applause) Great, now I can get something to eat & drink. While I do that, please focus your attention on a facial-haired comic who's also a singer. Wanna see him perform? You got the chance. It's Mike Falzone!
(applause; Pierre comes back with his to-go order)
Now that I'm back with my to-go stuff, let's look back at 2014 beginning with January.
Mind of a Man hit the scene and an afternoon shakeup brought in with Shop getting another 60 minutes. To February......
Rebecca Romijn was chosen to host Skin Wars but MOAM cuts to 20. As March Rolled around......
2 game show legends passed away and the spring upfronts came in.
(song stops)
Now the award that wishes it would go away like a headache. GSN can sometimes cause headaches to people, but the nominees will have you take a closer look.
(Cue alleyway scene with mouse clicking on broken bike, a banana peel, broken glass, an empty bottle and a flat tire before clicking on a empty pill bottle; cue little box in center with empty pill bottle and a note that reads "Best WTH? Award")




(Cue alleyway scene over a letterbox with "Best WTH? Moment" at the top; fade to host)

And that moment goes to......

(Opens lootcrate to reveal trash, puts trash in bin, but lootcrate becomes empty and gets the winner from the bin after throwing it out)

Ah, here it is, it's Love Triangle in 120 minutes!

(Love Triangle theme plays)

(lighter applause)

VO: Accepting the award, the host of the show, Wendy Williams!

Wendy: How you doin?

Audience: Not good.

Wendy: Anyways, before I would like to thank everyone, I want to give an update on the.....

(Pierre pulls a lever and sends Wendy through a trap door; audience cheers & applauds)

Me: That takes care of it. Our next performer used to be a pageant queen.....and a traffic reporter.....and a gym employee, but she said, "forget all this, I want to sing and report sports on the radio." Well, she just did, in fact she's here right now. It's my hometown girl Chelsea Chandler!



and it's now another award for Best returning/New Acqusition. Think of it as a new smartphone. Or a new dress you always wanted. But the

(cut to Electronics store scene, mouse clicks on Ipod, smartphone, earbuds, laptop computer and batteries before clicking on tablet; cue little box in center with tablet that reads "Best New/Returning acquisition")

LET'S ASK AMERICA (Scripps/ParaMedia/MGM)

1 vs. 100-Inaba Edition (Endemol)

Lingo-Engvall Edition (Zoo Productions)

DEAL OR NO DEAL (Endemol/NBC Universal)

(Cue electronics scene over a letterbox with "Best New/Returning acquisition" at the top; fade to host)

Okay, we have a winner and it is......

(Opens lootcrate with toy blocks and gets the card with the winner)

Let's Ask America!

(LAA Theme plays; light to moderate applause)

VO: Accepting the award, the show's first host, Kevin Pereira.

Kevin: Thank you, Can't believe I won it here, to all the contestants on Skype, hope you all had fun with me these past 2 seasons. To GSN, thanks for putting my show on the air. To Brea Grant, thanks for getting me here to win this award, and to Bill Bellamy, keep up the good work, pal. Thank you very much.


Now to the spring-y stuff, starting with APril......

Minute to Win IT (Ohno) closed up shop for good and Drew Carey didn't win Bible. Mayday! May Day!

Bible 3 cane on the scene, morning changes, STYD went out of business and we saluted the class of 2005.

(song stops)

Now we like to award the Barry & Enright lifetime achievement award for excellence. It's been 20 years on GSN since it first aired, but the history of it traces back to 1962.

(lights turn out; cue film)

The Match Game first began on NBC as a little simplistic panel show. It had teams of 2 stars and 1 player trying to win cash. The show ran until 1969, but........

By 1973, everything changed. The stars expanded to 6 and the contestants still had 2. The premise was simple. Have stars write down what fills in the blank and have the contestant match the answer the stars gave. It was that simple.

Well, not that simple. Over the years on CBS and Syndication from 1973 to 1982, the cast consisted of Charles Nelson Reilly, Brett Somers, Fannie Flagg and more among others. Its humor and wild party atmosphere kept the show from being a hit.

After it went off the air, it paired in 1983 to team up with "The Hollywood Squares," another hit of the time. Although it ran until 1984, the show's host, Gene Rayburn hated his tag team partner Jon Bauman. After 2 false starts, he was too old to do another one. By 1989. Bert Convy was supposed to host but fell ill. However.....

It was Ross Shafer who took over. It somewhat ran in the lunch hour until 1991 and by 1998......

Michael Burger had a most recent version that ran for 1 season. Although today, many people can still hear & see the 70's nostagia that is.....Match Game.

(film ends; lights come back on)

and so, we present Match Game, the first ever recipent of the Barry & Enright Lifetime acheievement award for excellence.

(MG Ticket plug cue; quick ovation from the audience)

Okay, sit down, we have a lot more stuff to do.

(song stops)

Youtube sensastion Scott Bradlee came up with this next act. Turn modern hits into....something else.   Boys & Girls, Postmodern Jukebox!



And we continue.

Earlier this past weekend, more awards were handed out at the Fast Money Mart and they were.....

"Idiotest" getting the "Hum Along & Dance" award for best theme song. Catchy & very upbeat to fit the show. It also won an award for "#You'reIt" with this:


The award for "They Liked it?" went to Skin Wars. Because after all, body painting never had it this good.

The award for "I remember That!" went to the Tylenol Time Capsule events. Thanks for making your parents watch when they were sick in school.

The "Like a Boss" award went to Alice Conkright of $otc. Do I need to know who see is?

And the award for "Still Pimpin after all these years" went to.............Wink Martindale! 81 & his YT page is still goig strong.

Around here, GSN picks newbies depending on their Game Show experience. We have a list of nominees for Best New Host, so please.....reveal yourselves!

(Cut to police lineup with "Best New Host" in red scrolled across; host cliks through line up from left to right and backs the lineup to all of them)

BEN GLEIB (Idiotest)


DERAY DAVIS (Mind of/A Man)

NATALIE GRANT (It Takes a Church)

(cut to host)

ANd the rookie of teh year is.....

(host click on star for winner)

(Stats read "Under 40, born on teh east coast, comic, podcaster, male)

I know who it is......BEN GLEIB!

(Idiotest theme plays; applause)

Ben: Wow, you guys made it amazing. Thank you so much. I thought my show would never make it alive in 1 season, but thanks to you, you guys rock, I would like to thank my fans, Kevin Smith, producer & director for believeing in me, GSN for giving me a day job and you folks at home for supporting the show. Thank you and see you next month.


Me: And as Ben sits back down, we have a young songwriter from Nashville and her name is Maddy Newton with a song about saying no to a certain demographic. And here she is.



To summer we go.....
It Takes a Church entered the scene for the first time and SYTD ended the luch hour nightmare. Michael Larsen's run came in 30 years ago in June, but in July.....

We introduced the painters for Skin Wars and the Line came to Nashville for taping the event. With The Bible Belts winning TABC......

Idiotest arrived in August as did Skin Wars. One hour of classic got skinkwrapped thanks to DOND and some hosts took the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge phenomenon.

(song stops)

Now comes the "Best Host" award. The Man or woman who directs traffic at what the game is and how it's played. The nominees are.....

(Cut to police lineup with "Best Host" scrolled in red; host cliks through line up from left to right and backs the lineup to all of them)

BEN GLEIB (Idiotest)

JEFF FOXWORTHY (The American Bible Challenge)



DERAY DAVIS (Mind of/A Man)

And the best host of the year happens to be.....

(clicks on star for winner)

(Stats read "female', audience gasps; other stats say "Under 40; married; used to host shows prior to it; Beast's beauty; audience applauuds a bit)

They all know how it is....Brooke Burns!

(The Chase USA theme plays; applause)

VO: This is Brooke's first award for "Best Host." Jeff Foxworthy won back-to-back awards the last 2 years.

Brooke: Wow. I can't believe I broke Jeff's winning streak, that is amazing. Man, I would like to thank Bob Boden for putting this thing together and Mark Labett, you made this show looks easy and to the fans of "The Chase," you made it the best show ever. Keep on watching, everyone. Goodnight.


Me: Now join me as we say goodbye to people who had to choice but to go 6-feet under.


(song stops)
Thank you. Here now is a hooper who thought it was basketball, but taking hula-hooping to the next level ended up as a slam dunk. Here comes....Rachael Lust!



Now the Best New show everybody wanted to see. What made them wanted to see the program more? The nominees will tell you.
(cut to locker room scene; mouse clicks on deodorant, towels, hair spray, mouthwash and hair dryer before clicking on handbook; cue small box with handbook that reads "Best New show of the Year")
MIND OF/A MAN (Never Nominated Productions/51 Minds Entertainment)
IDIOTEST (Little Wooden Boat Productions/H2R Productions)
IT TAKES A CHURCH (Authentic Entertainment)
SKIN WARS (World of Wonder Productions)
(cue locker room scene over a letterbox with "Best New Show Of The Year" at the top; fade to host)
ANd the Best show of 2014.....
(opens lootcrate full of bubble wrap and gets the winner in the card)
....IS Idiotest!
(Idiotest theme plays; applause)
Ben: Holy cow, 2 awards for my show. Thank you all, I can't believe I had this gig in my hand and thank you so much. See you next year, everyone!
Me: Well, we're alomst done, so let's rip through the rest of the year starting with September.....
I ended up in the hospital for close to 2 weeks and the network announced 2 rarities while I was on home isolation. Natalie took home the Skin Wars crown.....
And in October, the Tylenol Time Capsule had begun. Harvey Feud, Baggage and others took over weekends ina  big change and as  I came back to the building, DOND replaced Shop in teh afternoon hours.
By Novemner, The Chase held their first celebrity edition and for the first time ever, Tattletales came back to the network for a 1-hour encore. This month, Game Show Flashback was here with Ben & his comedy friends and "The Line" will be on its way soon.
(Song stops)
Now we come to the last award of the evening. Teh Best Show ever. This year's nominees is no exception. Get ready, because it's coming......
(Cut to dressing room scene; mouse clicks on boa, perfume, tuxedo, microphone and tie before clicking on the tv; cue small box in center with TV that reads "Best show of 2014"; TV turns on show logos clicked one by one until white fuzz appears on the last nominee)
THE CHASE (ITV Studios America)
THE AMERICAN BIBLE CHALLENGE (Embassy Row/Relatively Real/Sony Pictures Television)
IDIOTEST (Little Wooden Boat Productions/H2R Productions)
SKIN WARS (World of Wonder Productions)
(cut back to "Best Show of 2014" on the TV afetr adjusting the screen; fade to host)
This is it; the last award of the year and it goes to..............................(opens lootcaret to get the card)
Everybody want to hear what it is?...............It's THE CHASE!
(audience cheers and applause; The Chase USA theme plays)
VO: Accepting the award, The Beast himself, Mark Labett!
Mark: wow, thank you very much, 2 years in a row we got this "Best Show" award. Thank you so much. You guys have made me the best villian in game shows and there isn't any stopping this show. Season 5 is in January and I would like you to invite me in watching me crush these brave souls to dust. Thank you all very much!
Me: Thank you Mark, we look forward to doing that. Let's walk off this thing with a group of 4 people who never walk the plank.....or walk on broken glass. They are.....Walk Off The Earth!
And with that, the party's over. Thank you for making this award ceremony better than last year. We'll rest the next 2 weeks to get ready for 2015 and continue the 20th anniversary celebration of our beloved Game Show Network. Thank you everyone, happy holidays, Happy New Year and remember as on playas.
(pulls lever for a confetti tornado)