Thursday, April 12, 2012

Coming attractions!!!!

The start of baseball season means one thing and one thing only: I get to preview what's to come on this blog.

-The ratings report will tell you who hit a home run and who was sent to the minors
-Rounding 1st, getting to 2nd, all the news in a shortstop's notice.
-going past 2nd, approaching 3rd, we'll give you reaction on DWTS leaving GSN.
-rounding 3rd, heading for home, we'll tell you what GSN won't be seeing. (Hint: One long-running daytime show was on GSN in its early years and it's still running today. Can you guess what it is?)

Join us Monday for GSN The Know. Safe....without a catcher to block you.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Special edition
(theme fades out)

Hello and welcome to a special GSN The Know, where today, my friends, we are planning a home going burial for one show. The reason why is....

DWTS will be dead from the schedule effective the 16th of this month. In it's place: the 600-lb. giant known as Family Feud, making this show the unofficial flagship show of the network. The Video Arcade Lounge may be somber right now, but it's not. It's because we got 70's dance music playing in the background and a pizza party going on to celebrate the event. Right now, I will stop the music and retreat to the desk I sit on and we will proceed with the celebration.

Dearly beloved, know-it-alls and fans alike, DWTS on GSN has died of low ratings at the age of 4 months. It began as a deal to help GSN get the boost everyone wanted, but alas it failed. The program's reruns wanted to attract sponsors like CVS and more among others with segments about the program itself. It had viewers saying...."I know who was gone and who won. Let's watch "Cops" or "The Cleveland Show." It even held a contest to upload dance moves by people. The forums believed this show wouldn't last....and it did. It started at #17 in it's debut week, but every other week, it slid down like a fireman on a pole. Hype for this show seemed to have damaged a lot and a mini-reunion was just dysfunctional. DWTS wanted to shrink wrap hours, but alas, the heartbeat stopped by means of Lethal Injunction. DWTS is survived by "So you think you can dance?," FOX's rival show, and will be joining "Chuck Woolery: Naturally Stoned," "Instant Recall," "American Dream Derby," "Carnie Wilson Unstapled" and TAR. However, it will continue to air new episodes on ABC. May we have a moment of silence for DWTS leaving GSN, please?.............

Thank you. Here now is Boston native and singer JoJo with DWTS' last request......

January 2012-April 2012

"GSN wanted this show to be a perfect 10, but instead we gave the fans an imperfect 0."
We will have more on this in the "Coming Attractions" section of the blog Thursday, so be watching for it. That's about it for now, but remember, if any GSN acquisition or original is dead in the water come air time, we'll be there. Thanks for being a part of it. I'm Pierre Kelly saying be strong and play on, playas!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Get those peeps out of your mouth, Peeta!
(theme fades out)

Hey everyone, Pierre Kelly bringing you another exciting GSN The Know. Hope everyone survived Easter, got candy from the Easter Bunny so you could stick it to the Tooth Fairy, and we're approximately 8 months away from seeing Santa Claus. What you're about to see is GSN at it's best, giving you fine quality programming like none other, whether you like it or not. We kick things off with the Ratings Report and it's a long one. I will stick the cartridge taken from the Easter Basket unto Hilty and we'll begin.

First, for the week after St. Patrick's Day, Fifth Grader puts in the top 3 with DOND 4th. Feud puts in 8th and 9th with TNG in 10th. Here was the bottom 10:

DWTS becomes the sandwich on the top and bottom of the list. In it is Match Game, Catch 21, Card Sharks, DOND and TNG. Let's go to the next week.

With Fifth Grader still on top, Harvey's arrival went off to a great start with spots 2 and 3, as well as the lower half with TNG tied for 8th. Wanna see the lower 10? Here you go.

This time DWTS stayed out of the bottom of the bin filling in 3 slots with Card Sharks and Family Feud above it. TNG, however had the last 2. Let's talk DWTS. Highest airing the week after 3/17 was at.....

#35. The rest went downhill like a skier. For the next week, the highest went at:

133. Ouch. I'll explain the punishment for that show in one moment, but for the week, it was same as is. Ratings Report is finished. Hilty must be shut must be shut

Let's continue the quarter with.....
Operation Sherriwed. Week 3 was "Most Memorable Year," and she did a rumba to "If I could" by Regina Belle. If you could, please, roll the tape.

She scored 24 this week, 1 point higher than the last 2 weeks shoving Jack Wagner out of the ballroom, and no, Drew Carey didn't show up. This week will be "Rock & Roll Week." can she rock out to 1st this week? We'll see.

(music stops)

First quarter comes to an end. For the 2nd quarter, we have good news and bad news for DWTS, first the bad news:
It'll Shrink to 3 hours next Sunday. That's good news for traditionalists and punishment for anyone watching DWTS in this network. Good news:: I went to Rite Aid and looked at JET magazine with DWTS mentioned. Here, let me show you.

There's the cover with Octavia Spencer and the show's on the left hand corner.

And here's Sherri Shepard in the magazine's article. Sticking with Sherri herself....

Bill Clinton, a man who defied the 90's, writes a letter to herself. Isn't that nice?

Sticking with that show, it'll begin a 12-week run at where the early days of Brady's LMAD took place, Las Vegas.

And as of this writing, you got 24 hours to vote on which video deserves the "Dance of a Lifetime." my money's on Shandy Underwood.

Did you know a hip-hop version of " Hollywood Squares" is set for this month? Well, they're not the only ones. In this link, P. Miller and Romeo on the Bergeron version of the original and an all hip-hop celebrity edition of "The Weakest Link" are on a list of rappers in game shows. For real.

When he's not letting daters reveal secrets on "Baggage," Jerry Springer will drop plinko chips like rain as he hosts a stage version of TPIR. Better than Hot Potato, I guess.

See Christie Brinkley. See Christie Brinkley in "Chicago." See also former Feud host John O' Hurley in "Chicago...." in super Chargers city. Charge, Chargers, Charge! Did I really say it?

Our proud ranter Casey Abell ends this quarter with a mention in the numbers game to predict how many viewers you rate on Harvey's Feud. No word yet on how you watch Carey TPIR. Second quarter over with and we have not 1, but 2 halftime videos as I promised to you, and in continuation of "April Acapella Awareness Month," we take a trip to Chapel Hill, North Carolina to see 2 groups. Ladies first. Here are the UNC Loreleis with Katy Perry classic. Take it girls!!!!

And the back end of a 1 and 1 reveals the UNC Achordants and this song......

TAR HEEL! You guys and gals rock! Next week, the Yale Whiffenpoofs will perform. Now on to the 3rd quarter. I will break down poster New Neko's 5 bullet points on last week's ratings. Neko, buzz in and fire away!!!

"A. With the possible exception of Family Feud (and damn these ratings for not telling me who was hosting). None of the traditional (pre-1995) classics have over 300,000 viewers. Exclude Pyramid (only because it hasn't been on since Dick Clark's centennial) and you have to go all the way down to #73 before an old-school original makes the rankings. "

Hold your horses. Card Sharks on a glorious weekday morning has the slot and why the classics can't get out of 300k meant they were at work, watching SportsCenter, or hanging out at Starbucks. Here's the 2nd point.

"B. I noticed eight slots in the same practical area (high 70s to low 80s) for the Sherriwed game. So apparently about 220,000 people actually give a flying rat's rear end about the size of guys' packages. Good number but not good enough, considering they could air another Harvey Feud or 5th Grader in those slots and move them up 80 or 90 thousand people. "

If the Eubanks version stayed there many years ago, it would've been a surefire hit depending on whose version to look for. Nowadays, you can't get it because of the current version airing right now. Why can't people watch Sherriwed at morn hearing bedroom talk when they can turn in to Today, The View or TPIR? Next point, please....

C. The variety of these shows is abhorrent. Seriously -- we are heading for a 24-hour Family Feud channel at this rate. ::blecch::. I don't know when TV watching got to the annoying pretense that we as a people want to see the same program on the network for hours and hours on end for no reason at all, but it's really disheartening. My guess is it started when MSNBC had their love affair with Chris Hansen and would air "To Catch A Predator" for 10 hours at a setting.

A 24-hour Feud channel does not make sense. You ever watch "Shimmy" on Fit Tv? They define rerun abuse. You can't put too much Dawson, Combs, Karn, O 'Hurley and Harvey in one week on this network. Fourth point coming up.....

"D. There really need to be some more good originals on the air and ones that GSN won't air to death. And new classics."

New classics? Come on. "Chain Reaction" and Sherriwed are new classics. Besides, will you ever see "Cram" or "Russian Roulette" come back this very instant? And for the final point....

"And E. No, we won't get good ratings from Anderson Feud. Say what you want but there's still a bone of contention about his involvement with a gay prostitute. Considering the fact that most people over 30 are seriously opposed to this kind of thing, you likely won't see a lot of people wanting to see him back on the air."

Exactly, in fact, next week, I will tell you about why GSN can't get rights to shows owned by other people. This week, for the 4th quarter, it's upfronts compared to the past.

When I read about the upfronts the network had this year and beyond, there are 3 categories I want to talk about. The first is "Iconic Game Reinvented." The Newlywed Game is one, I know Chain Reaction is one. There was Pyramid 10 years ago with Donny Osmond plus a few more the network has. Next, "Real life Games." cable TV these days have "Storage Wars," "King of Cars," and any other game, but why GSN? Well, they have a few new ones on the back burner. But this ones takes a few cupcakes. It's.... Wait for it......wait for it.... "Shiny Floor Games." What kind of idea came up with all this? You may think it involves spring cleaning....but it's not. It involves game shows...on either black or white floors. After all, TPIR did it, Family Feud did it, heck, Millionaire still has it. But when you think about what's to come for GSN, it'll be sure to have a network all your own.

And with that, we go out to hunt some easter eggs...with paint guns. Before you plan an extreme easter egg hunt, suggest these options:

please add me on FB:!/pierre.j.kelly

Follow me on Twitter: @Johnny_Arcade

and my email adress: for any questions, praise or compliments. And diring the week, I'll even go to to see what's going on. Until then, play on, playas!