Thursday, December 19, 2013

The 2nd annual GTK Know-It-All Awards

VO: Live from the Lunar Rover Pizza & Root Beer Emporium, it's.....


A celebration and a look back at the year GSN made history. With appearances yet to be seen by....
With musical appearances by....
This program is presented by...
(song stops: current plinko intro)
Now, the man who drops in from the drop zone, Miss Pickwick's next door neighbor, the guy who thought National Lampoon's Funny Money is real, Pierre.....................Jason......................Kelly!
(applause) guys were awesome than last year. (song stops) Thanks to Lindsey Stirling and the Grimsborough Symphony......1/8 of it....(audience laughter) Welcome to our 2nd ever Know-it-All Awards. I'm your host Pierre Kelly, give it up for yourselves, people.
This, boys & girls is a look back at 2013 in a nutshell. Wow, a big turnout at the Lunar Rover Emporium, give it up for yourselves again....
Can't believe it's so many people in one big room, uh....G-Stone Motors. Nice to see your family. Did you bring your pigs in, too?
(audience laughter)
Oh, you didn't. Good for you. Uh, who else, Wagner Warriors, this year's Bible Challenge champions. I thought the name was Wagner was supposed to be opera. Is this the European Opera Challenge?
(audience laughter)
What else do we have here? The girl that says "we Gon' Play, Steve" in a commercial. Came to play, huh?
(light laughter)
Well, whoever else, we didn't come to play, we came to give some golden brain trophies to the best GSN had to offer in 2013. Let's kick it off with Best Classic. Without them, they'll be an eyesore to the network. Thanks to these nominees, they're the reason why you should watch. Can we see it, please?
(Cut to Enchanted Forest slots; Witch throws flies at Esmeralda and gets stung by wasps)
(scroll opens to BEST CLASSIC)
MATCH GAME (Goodson-todman/Fremantle Media)
BLOCKBUSTERS (Goodson-Todman/Fremantle Media)
$ALE OF THE CENTURY (Reg Grundy Productions/Fremantle Media)
PRESS YOUR LUCK (Carruthers Company/Fremantle Media)
PASSWORD PLUS (Goodson-Todman/Fremantle Media)
SUPER PASSWORD (Goodson-Todman/Fremantle Media)
(cue a fairy waving a wand to "Best Classic"; fade to host)
And the Classic is.........(gets Instant Cash box; opens up the box......and gets the winner)

(turns echo on) Sale....Of the century! (turns echo off)
VO: Accepting the award, Summer Bartolemew, hostess of the program.
(song stops)
Summer: Can't believe it. First award in over 20 years, and I would like to thank the staff that put the whole thing together and I wanted it to sell for $5, but at a later date. Thanks, very much.
(audience laughter & applause)
Me: Alright, looking at January......
Rodney Acala who was a contestant on "The Dating Game" got 25 in the clink, Baggage replaces Improv-A-Ganza on Fridays and Kirk Franklin decided to join Bible as it's co-host. The Yay & Yawn was even added to the mix. As for February.....
The New MTWI would return for a later date, then we unveiled the new teams for Bible and Steve Harvey made Parade magazine. Meanwhile, Monty Hall & Bob Stewart were called to get lifetime acheievment awards at the daytime Emmys this year. Richard Karn did a play in Canada and Rock Center on NBC ran a story on Bible. As for music, ladies first. Hailing from Michigan, they're twin sisters with rock in their blood. Doing their new smash hit single, Megan & Liz everyone.
And we keep going with moments that wished you scratched your head and thought "WTH?" Yep, the moments that want to forget. Nominees, if you will.....
(cut to Auora Dreams slots; snow leopard throws snowballs at Yeti and a big one to split the yeti into 10 and the Yeti gets crushed; icicle opens up to "Best WTH Moment")
FAMILY Trade.....
The hosting of Apolo Anton Ohno.....
The enitre Friday night lineup.....
(cut to penguin on skis running into "Best WTH? Moment" tree; fade into host)
Ouch. And the winner is........(opens postcard) It is Family Trade.
(theme plays; lighter applause)
VO: Accepting the award, Garter Stone of G-Stone Motors. 
Garter: Not only do I get ot accept this award, but I'll trade it in for a scooter. Thank you very much.
(lighter applause)
Me: Okay, on to another musical guest. 2 grads from Texas Tech University made music while in school in their dorms and decided to make it big......well, almost. It's the tag team of Michael Henry and Justin Robinett. Boys?
Man, that was loud. On to Spring...

March rolls around and Family Trade made its debut along with Jeff Foxworthy getting the nod to host a baking competition. Harvey's Feud on the network reached 1 year and Apolo Anton Ohno took part in hosting the new Minute. But....
As April rolled around, $ale made its debut and Family Trade was gone. Soon after, the new shows were to make its debut on the network and Bible lost its top position to #2 in the ratings in one week. With Sherriwed coming to an end....
May came in and Mike Richards tries his hand at podcasting, and "Game SHow Moments Gone Bananas" took the realms of primetime ervy Monday. This would end the 4-period era for our blog and we get another award to hand out.
(song stops)
Acquisions. The deals you make are the deals that make viewers insane. Let's look at them.
(cut to Farmville Slots; sheep throws fertizlieer at the farmer and gets blinded by gerowing beanstalks and a scarecrow; fence reveals "best Acqusition")
SHOP 'TIL YOU DROP (Stone-Stanley Productions)
1 vs. 100 (Endemol Entertainment)
LOVE TRIANGLE (3Ball Productions)
SALE OF THE CENTURY (Reg Grundy Productions/Fremantle Media)
(cut to jester cow holding  a"Best Acquisition" sign; fade to host)
ANd the acqusition......(opens envelope)  goes to Shop 'Til You Drop!
(College Mad House Theme Plays)
VO: Accepting the award, the show's best known host, Pat Finn!
(song stops)
Pat: It's great to see my friends here remember the way the mall used to be and it's great to have this award because it made me feel that I wish JD Roberto would get it, but on a differnet network. Goodbye, my firends.
(audience laughter & applause)
Okay, on to some more awards given out earlier at the Fast Money Mart.
The award for....."Just stop it!" went to Apolo Anton Ohno saying "every....Second....counts." Do the words enough.....already ring a bell?
The award for "Teacher's Pet" went to Mark Labett aka The Beast. Even in the UK, he is still smart.
The award for "Animal Instincts" went to the pigs from Family Trade. They're the reason why some people wanted to tune in, but they tuned out.
The award for "Mute It!" went to the "We Gon' Play, Steve" ad. Don't you wish you watched something else?
And finally, the #You'reIt award went to #FAITHFULFANS. They made want the American Bible Challenge is All about. Now on to another performer. She used to crash the Super Bowl a long time ago, now she crashes the internet. It's Kina Grannis, everyone.
And we move on to summertime.
We ushered in the new 3-period era and Bible gets pushed back to netx year. With FT finally gone, we debuted a new Overtime blog post.
Then in July, New shows were added to the "must watch" list and Kelly Goode took a job to ABC Family.
August kicked it off with The Chase off to a record start and TABC turning 1 year old.
(song stops)
ANd now, please give it up for the only girl who can mashup a bunch of songs at the same time. It's Savannah Outen!
Now on to Best Host. Why Best host? I don't know. But you'll see some names once you see the nominees.
(cut to Pet Park slots; Dog throw bones at dog catcher, but catcher dodges them and dog shows a picture of Cindy Crawford and dog catcher pants on it; blanket reveals "Best Host")
JEFF FOXWORTHY (The American Bible Challenge)
(Cut to a dog panting over a "Best Host" bowl; fade to host)
And the host of 2013.....(opens envelope)  Jeff Foxworthy!
(TABC Theme plays)
VO: This is Jeff's 2nd consecutive award of the year. His hosting duties included "fifth Grader" and "the American Baking Competition"
Jeff: Wow, I can't believe I got 2 in a row for this award. But I would like to thank Kirk Franklin for giving him the opportunity to work with him as musical co-host, all the staff of Bible who made us put this hit show together. Thank you all and we'll see you next year.
Me: Now a group of girls who originally used to call themselves "Sixth Sense," but one couldn't handle the pressures of touring and decided to call themselves......Fifth Harmony.
We're almost done with the ceremony, so we're closing in on fall season.
September rolled aorund with Fifth Grader was gone, with Skin Wars getting the go-ahead, pepole clamored about it and Harvey Feud took a short afternoon outing. Deray Davis got the nod for "Mind of A Man" and the calendar flipped to....
OCtober. Todd Newton of Whammy! released a book while MTWI's run continued to burn off. Even a Whammy! halloween special aired for the first time in almost a decade.
November came and 1. vs. 100 returned to the network. Feud came on Turkey day as well as Black Friday, every version of it, but Syndie Sale kicked off the latter day. and this month, The Chase's new season had another ratings record. Now comes the part where we say good bye to people who are gone too soon.....
Thank you. Now we get the last award of the night. It's the show to end all shows. The program everyone can't stop watching. It's Best show of 2013. Here are the nominees.
(Cut to Treasure of Anubis slots; a mummy throws snakes at anubis and gets snakebit and an ambulance sends him to the hospital; heriogylphic reads "best Show")
THE CHASE (ITV Studios America)
THE AMERICAN BIBLE CHALLENGE (Embassy Row/RelativelyReal/Sony Pictures Television)
MINUTE TO WIN IT (Friday TV/Shine America)
 (cut to mummy revealing "Best Show"; fade into host)
And the show america watches is....................(opens envelope)  THE CHASE!!!!
(Uk Chase Theme Plays)
VO: Accepting the award, Mark Labett.
Mark: Thank you very much, I would like to thank Brooke Burns and a great staff, because this goldne brain not only means its a status symbol for me, but it proves that I am still smarter than you. Thank you very much.
One more performance before we get out of here. He's a black nerd and he's............Andre Meadows singing about his Wii. Take us out, ANdre!
And it's a wrap. 2013 for us is in the books, but we'll be off until next year for 2 weeks to give you a new year and new shows to make GSN your game show home. I'm Pierre Kelly, play on playas!
(pulls cord to reveal confetti thunderstorm)

Monday, December 16, 2013

Coming Attractions!!!

On the Next GSN The Know....

It's the big one. The GTK Know-It-All Awards. We'll give out golden brains and look back at the year at was for GSN, plus musical performances.

Join us for a very special GSN The Know. Cip-on tie included.